The last year has been one long journey that included me finding myself again, falling in love with OH even more, having a baby, and a whole lot more. I didn’t really REALLY feel like blogging so I didn’t. I’m kinda bummed with myself since so much happened but then again I was busy LIVING it instead of writing about it. I want to get back to a little bit of blogging and a whole lot of living.
I’m writing a post! I’m in Arizona sitting on the couch of my dear friend Diana with the door open watching some bad TV and just being in the same room together. It’s awesome. I’ve been here since the 19th and have enjoyed a stress-free, mostly drama free visit. It’s been awesome.
Over the past several months I’ve been living a lot of life. I’ve been biking a lot. There is a neat trail not too far from our house that is a converted railroad track. I take Jackson out in a little bike trailer and get anywhere from 8-16 miles in. The trail runs along the edge of a river and is covered in a canopy of trees. It’s absolutely stunning.
I’m working several jobs. I’m still working for the catering company at the theater but I also now do some private events. I worked some absolutely spectacular weddings. In addition to the catering company I also work for a non-profit a few hours a week and a nighttime nanny service as the admin. I get to do both of those jobs from home. It works out pretty perfect.
Oh Foxy is chugging along. We did a crowd funding campaign a couple months ago and raised a couple thousand dollars. We are looking for a location but are waiting for the RIGHT place. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be to find exactly what I am looking for. Once I find it…everything is a go! Ah! The suspense is killing me though!
I have made some phenomenal friends in OH. It’s totally different from any kind of friendships I’ve had before. I’ve found a great church and am cooking more and more and more. We started our garden and are looking forward to getting it planted come Mother’s Day next year. For now we’re just laying down some fertilizers and waiting for winter to do its thing.
I guess the point of this post is that I’m good. I’m really, really good. I’m settled and happy. Being in AZ has been weird. Everything looks familiar but doesn’t feel like home anymore. It’s strange.
I feel good. Like really good. It is a bit of an unexpected feeling considering I lost a big contest that would have made opening my studio a lot easier and one of my best friends within 5 days of each other. I’ve thought a lot about both.
First, the loss of a friend: 7 years of friendship thrown in the trashcan. After my character was attacked I considered what was said. I sent the offensive email to 6 people. 3 of those people were per request. The other 3 were people whose opinions I deeply respect. All of them were blown away. The response I got back from 4 of them was the first line of:
Wow indeed. One of the things that I was challenged (I’m not sure what word to use exactly) on in the email was how I would regret drawing a line in the sand and losing the network of women for the pole dance program. I don’t think “losing” was accurate. It was more like thrown out of. Instead following 1 person who fancies themselves an expert in everything and anyone who disagrees gets kicked out, I get to be a part of an entire network filled with many different people who actually are experts in different fields that all respect each other and their different strengths. Even more than that they value each other. They recommend each other. They suggest you seek out the opinions of each other. No one person gets to decide who is in and who is out. Everyone is in. Everyone plays a different part. I like that.
There is sadness in the loss of a friendship but now it doesn’t even feel like the friendship was much of a friendship at all. It was so easy for them to end with little thought or time taken…mere hours from me sending my decision to do my own thing for my business. Sadly, one of my main regrets is the fact that I had asked to use my bonuses from working for her to go towards my license fee. Considering I have no desire to email and ask for the owed money, opening myself up to another ugly email, I doubt I’m ever going to be paid now that I’m not going to use the program. That’s a bummer.
Second, the contest: I didn’t lose completely. I may have lost the money but I gained and gained and gained. I gained knowledge. I gained experience. I gained contacts. I gained mentors and friends.
One of those mentors is the man who mentored me through the entire contest. I respect his opinion and value the time we spend together. I hadn’t seen him in the last couple of weeks and tried talking to my hubby about my studio and all he said during one of those conversations was, “I bet you wish you were talking to Carlin about this.” I couldn’t deny it. That man gets me. He understands my studio. Meeting with him the other day was fantastic! He is so inspiring. I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to give back to people the way he has given to me.
Another person is going to be a fantastic girlfriend. We just get each other. We have similar goals of wanting to help better women. We each have different avenues for accomplishing that goal and that’s what makes it better. I get to do my own thing while she does the same.
Aside from all of that, I am in a fantastic space. My studio is moving right along. I’m meeting with a few different people within the next few weeks to discuss a fundraising campaign. I have some fun new designs for clothing that will be the debuted. I also have some exciting news in my professional life that I’ll tell you about soon.
I still need to tell you about the Opera and the super cool bike path. I am all about exploring life in Cincinnati and life is good.
I woke up feeling achy today. I didn’t make it to the gym like I planned and instead of tackling my massive to-do list I went to King’s Island and grocery shopping with Jackson. I rented a few movies, came home, cooked dinner, and have spent the rest of the afternoon trying to work on the non-active items on my list. One of them was to write a blog if I felt like it. I felt like it. Kinda.
Things I have to actually write about:
Yeah, I got nothing.
You ever have a day like that? You have things that you think you want to talk about but then when it comes down to talking about them…you just aren’t ready? Today is one of those days for me.
It’s crazy the amount of ideas that are spilling out of my brain right now. I have to sleep with a pad of paper next to my bed again. With that I need to keep pretty tight reins on how I spend my time. I seem to have struck a pretty nice balance between work and play. Speaking of play, the child just woke up. I better go grab him…nope, false alarm.
With all of the life lessons I’ve learned over the last several months, both in how I want to be as a person and how I DO NOT want to be, it has led me on this awesome journey. As I was walking with Jackson last night I had this spectacular dialog with myself where I worked out exactly what I want out of life.
1. I want to be a good wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and example. I want people to look at how I live my life and say, “yeah…that looks good.” Not in the superficial “look at how much awesome stuff I have” kind of way but in a “she has her priorities in order and is inspiring people to live the best version of their life” kind of way.
2. I want to own my own business. A business that I run MY way that reaches women and teaches them that they are enough no matter what. No matter what they weigh. No matter what they look like. No matter if they are a mother. No matter what job they have. No matter if they have scars either physically or emotionally. I want women to leave their time with me feeling loved, inspired, and like they can take on the mother fucking world.
3. I want to tackle my health issues. I have them. I think I always will. I just need to learn how to better maintain them. I feel better when I eat better. My body functions better. I just plain feel better. I’ve really focused on not taking the easy way out and have been blessed because of it.
4. I want to change some of my habits. I’ve tackled quite a few and there are still many more but that’s okay. One step at a time. One habit at a time.
Life is funny. Not too long ago I thought I had it all figured out. I had the dream job, great friends, and a life that seemed to be chugging along perfectly. Less than a year later I have an even better job, more great friends now spread across the country, and a life that is fulfilling in ways I never expected. It’s not perfect and it never will be but it is mine.