I’m not sure what to do with this blog. I started it as a weight loss journey (original blog) and then changed the name and got a new domain name but the theme remained the same. Weight loss. Here’s the reality of my life now. Would I like to lose some weight? Yes. Is my life defined by that anymore? No. It’s not. What I weigh has very little to do with who I am. Maybe that has to do with the long lull of blogging. A complete and utter lack of direction. How about I just share what I’ve got going on.
1. I’m loving/hating OH. I love how much Jackson loves it here (how could he not with what our yard looks like?!). I love our house and the trees and the seasons and so much more. I hate that I’m away from my friends and family. I hate that I’m no longer teaching pole dancing (at least for right now). I hate how lonely I feel. I’m working at a Theater for a catering company. I love getting to see the productions and meeting the actors. I joined a women’s Bible study, am attending church, and am looking to join a few meet-up groups. I tried to volunteer for a food shelter but they turned me down and said they didn’t need volunteers. Really. Huh. I’ll try a women’s related organization.
2. I think I’m going to make my own hard cider. I’ve been Gluten free for several months (almost 4, I think). I’m starting to finally experiment with Gluten free baking and since hard cider is so damn expensive I decided it is time to make it myself. It’s a several month process.
3. Being a stay-at-home Mom isn’t the dream people make it out to be. It’s hard. Your day consists of wiping butts, meltdowns, fixing food, and cleaning up messes. Let’s say you are so freaking desperate for adult conversation that you walk 2 miles (to get some exercise in) to a Chick-fil-A to hopefully meet some other women and let your son play but instead he turns into a giant crybaby and you have to leave as to not reward terrible behavior and walk 2 miles home. Not that that has ever happened to me before.
4. I still haven’t pole danced. My room is 95% set-up and only needs about 10 minutes of work but it’s still not done. Why? I have no idea. I think I still have gotten over the heartache of leaving the studio and the women I came into contact with. I know that I will have that environment again but it will be different. I think it is time for me to let it go.
5. I’m lost. Terribly. Terribly. Lost.
6. I’m doing a super cool exercise routine that I kinda want to tell you about but mostly I don’t. The more research I do the more I see that people who share every single step and the goals super out loud end up failing significantly more than people that don’t. I thought it was different. I thought if you shared your goals it made you more accountable. I’m finding the opposite. When I shared that I was going Gluten free I didn’t maintain it. When I didn’t share it I finally was able to keep it up and have been HAPPILY doing it ever since. Same thing with my exercise program. I haven’t told you about it at all and BAM! This shit is happening. I think that perhaps instead of telling you what I’m going to do I will instead tell you what I did do.
7. I’ve revamped my whole hygiene program. Let’s just say that I haven’t shampooed or conditioned my hair since before I got to OH over a month ago. That’s a whole blog post in and of itself. Stay tuned.
That’s pretty much my world. What’s going on in yours?
I started my new job last night. It was fun. I work for a catering company within a Theater (plays not movies). It was very different from working at the studio but the adult interaction was exactly what I needed. It made me miss the studio lots though. I miss talking and dancing with some of the best women in the world. It made me itch to find a location here for my studio. I miss it.
I love living here. I’ve been far more active here than I was in AZ. I love the weather and the scenery. I love our house. I love everything about being here except that I miss my family, friends, and job. I miss everyone so much. I do feel much more complete being with my family. Leaving Jackson for that month was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. When he heard my voice I heard his signature laugh/cry and he gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever gotten. Then he promptly ignored me for a few days. I got some attention every now and then but once he realized I was here to stay he hasn’t left my side. I like it.
Our house is amazing. I love the yard and the weird layout. I love the creek that runs along one whole side. I love the huge deck. I love OH. It’s amazing. I finally feel like I’ve found my place in life but without a big piece of my heart. I need to find a way to rectify the two.
I am feeling so behind on posting and life. This won’t be very exciting since I don’t even know where to start. I’m just going to start in the middle. The weekend before last Jackson and I went to visit our new home in OH and I came home alone. I needed a break but 2 days would have been good. This over one week and still another 3 shit is going to be the death of me. I miss my boys…the little one I extra miss. That’s all I have.
What a fascinating experience! I had my first colonics appointment today to help clear me out as I finally…FINALLY…am eating better. I am hoping to avoid the extreme Carb Flu I had last night by doing the colonics. It was completely different from I thought it would be and yet exactly like I thought it would be.
I thought it would be super awkward. It wasn’t. I did feel like I should know more about the technician helping me so I found myself telling her very intimate details about myself to help ease the anxiety of what was going to happen and then…it was no big deal.
It wasn’t uncomfortable AT ALL. It was weird feeling for like a second as they pump water in. The pressure felt just like when I was pregnant with Jackson and he would sit on my bladder. I asked her if women we better at it than men because of the experience of child-birth and she burst out laughing. She said that men are big giant pansies about it. I expected that.
Before the procedure the skin on my abdomen was perfectly stretched over my body. Afterward it had that saggy appearance that skin gets when a person loses weight fast. Not super bad but enough that is was noticeable. I didn’t lose any weight which is fine because that isn’t why I am doing it.
One of the unexpected side effects was no desire to drink soda. I’ve been off it for the most part but still crave it every single day. It can’t be non-habit forming with the kind of craving I have for it. Anyway, I didn’t crave it today. At all. Weird feeling I would love to maintain.
The after effects have been…fascinating! I kinda want to take a picture and then I remember that that would be fucking gross. I’m going back tomorrow. The technician said it should be crazy tomorrow since everything is all soaked so instead of trying to move hard dirt it will be like mud.
So…there is this thing that I’ve wanted to try for AGES! It’s one of those things that I probably shouldn’t talk about but I’ve never really been the kind of person that does what she should. I’m going to get a Colonic. 3 actually. I think I have some funky things going on in my gut and I’m hoping this will jump start getting my gut healthy again. Things haven’t been working right…if you know what I mean…for a while so I want to just clear everything out and start over again. I probably won’t go into deep detail (LOL!) about this but will share a little bit because I’m sure at least one person reading this is curious.